Ratings – 20/09/2012

About Cherry

A dreary movie about a young girl getting involved in the porn industry, the narrative doesn’t go the more predictable ‘porn is bad’ direction I thought it would originally, but might have been better off doing so. The casting of Heather Graham as a former porn star also inevitably invites comparisons to the similarly themed but vastly superior ‘Boogie Nights’.

2/5

Starship Troopers: Invasion

After a couple of awful low-budget, live action DTV sequels, ‘Starship Troopers’ turns to CG animation for its fourth instalment. The animation is undoubtedly excellent but the film is still otherwise sorely lacking. It’s doubtful ‘Starship Troopers’ will ever get the sequel it deserves.

2/5

The Dead Pool

The final Dirty Harry film, I’d not seen this before despite seeing all the previous instalments many years ago, not a patch on the first but hardly awful either. Plus it boasts a bizarre scene in which the film suddenly cuts to a then-unknown Jim Carrey seen lip-synching alone to the then-brand new ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ in an ‘Exorcist’-themed bedroom (!).

3/5

Space Cowboys

A gentle adventure from Clint Eastwood in which 4 former pilots finally get an opportunity to go into space, despite now being pensioners.

3/5

Lovely Molly

Tedious and scare free horror film from one of the directors of one-off fluke ‘The Blair Witch Project’

1/5

In Hell

One approaches a straight-to DVD Van Damme effort with suitably low expectations, and that considered, this isn’t so bad. More of a Prison Drama than an action film, Van Damme barely participates in its fight scenes. Sure all of the prison movie clichés are present and correct, but it’s perfectly watchable.

2.5/5

The Five Year Engagement

Like several other Judd Apatow produced comedies of recent years, this lasts far too long for its own good. Its likeable leads just about manage to keep things going but it could have really done with some editing, and perhaps a few more jokes. Does pretty much what you’d expect from the title otherwise.

3/5

Resident Evil sequels

I watched the original ‘Resident Evil’ movie not long after it came out a decade ago, thought it was pretty rubbish, and had no interest in seeing any more from the series. In fact I’m quite surprised it’s still going. Anyway, I thought I might be having to attend a screening of the newest instalment; ‘Resident Evil: Regeneration’ last weekend, and so reluctantly decided to try and catch up with the series. Well it seems I was right to avoid them in the first place. The first sequel, ‘Apocalypse’ is an utterly dreadful mess of a movie whose only good aspect is the song that plays during the end credits. Number three, ‘Extinction’ does pull the rare feat of being a notable improvement on its predecessor (though in this case it would struggle to be much worse), with its new setting doing it a few favours, but it’s still hardly a good film. The fourth, ‘Afterlife’ starts off a little more promisingly with a decent action sequence but soon deteriorates into another snooze-fest. All three fail as horror movies and their huge success still mystifies me somewhat. What’s worse, I didn’t even have to see ‘Regeneration’ in the end, I caught ‘Expendables 2’ instead (more on that to come).

Resident Evil: Apocalypse: 1/5

Resident Evil: Extinction – 2/5

Resident Evil: Afterlife – 1.5/5

The Cold Light of Day

Despite his star billing, Bruce Willis exits very quickly and leaves it to Henry Cavill to be chased around Europe in this generic and disappointing thriller from the director of ‘JCVD’.

2/5

The Killing of John Lennon – 3/5

Snow White and the Huntsman

Charlize Theron’s over-the top, shouty pantomime villain pursues a lifeless Kristen Stewart in this very dull high budget retelling of the famed fairy tale, which the usually charismatic Chris Hemsworth can’t even invigorate.

2/5

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